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xocrystalnicole / Love Lessons  / The Burden Of One-sided Relationships

The Burden Of One-sided Relationships

There is an epidemic of one-sided relationships. Relationships void of reciprocation, give and take, and collaboration. These relationships are burdensome, and they appear in any type of relationship. Whether it’s a friendship, business partnership, intimate relationship, and yes, even familial relationships, many women are carrying the weight of a relationship, or many relationships, on their back.

For any relationship to work, there has to be teamwork, collaboration, and a willingness from both (or all) parties to want to make the relationship work. However, the effort and energy given to a relationship isn’t always equal. Whether you’re the employee working overtime, going the extra mile, staying late and coming in early but not receiving adequate compensation, or the partner who’s always sacrificing, compromising or giving to someone who never returns the favor, you’re part of this epidemic.

There are women who, after investing so much time, energy, and emotion into someone or something, have a hard time walking away because they’re emotionally invested. However, when what’s at stake is your happiness, your peace, your sanity, and more importantly, your health, it’s worth it to walk away and choose yourself over this relationship.

Choosing yourself is not giving up. Choosing your happiness does not make you a bad person nor does it make you wrong. But, choosing to give to people and situations that are sucking you dry, draining you of not only your time and energy, but your finances as well, is holding you back.

Somewhere along the lines, your dedication, your generosity, your caring nature has placed you on the back burner, and the people you have chosen to give to are reaping the benefits. Selfish people, leeches, narcissists, users, whatever you’d like to label them as are surviving because of you. Because of the energy and effort you keep giving to them, even when they give nothing in return.

Your relationships will not work when you are the only one giving to them. You are giving to a situation, or situations, that are not beneficial to you. You are investing in something that is not giving you a return on your investment. You are holding on to hope that should have been gone a long time ago, trying to see the potential in this person when they’ve shown you countless times who they are. Believe them. Believe what they show you and not the image of them you’ve concocted in your mind. No matter how much you may want someone to change, or believe naively that you have the ability to change them, you can’t. You do not have the ability to change anyone but yourself.

Fear of being alone has kept many women (men, too) in one-sided relationships. But, if we’re being honest, you’ve been alone in this relationship all this time, so there wouldn’t be much of a difference.

If you’ve found yourself in a one-sided relationship, one where you’re doing all the work and someone else is benefitting from your energy, let it go. Drop the burden. Reclaim your time, energy, and most of all, your power.

Comments

  • Vanessa Morgan

    Another great post!!! Hmmm let me take inventory

  • Ola

    Yes, yes, and yes. I knew exactly what you would say in this post even before I read it. These “one-sided” people are draining. I read once, “If you don’t know where you stand with a person, then it’s time to start walking.” While I do give people a fair chance to prove what they are, if any one falls into this category, they can just watch my smoke… ’cause I’m gone. LOL1

  • Tanya Barnett

    Girl…..you said a mouth full. I see this more in friendships than anything where I am the one giving and accommodating all the time. I decided in 2018, I was not doing it anymore.

  • Lia World Traveler

    This is great and its like you are in my head. I did an interview last night that covered this topic. I wish I ad read this before then, would have helped!

  • Terri

    I recently dealt with this issue with a friend. While we discussed it and she apologized for making me feel like our relationship was one sided, I don’t know where we’ll go from here. I’m not really sure if its worth it to continue this friendship but we’ll see how it goes.

  • Leslie

    I love this post! I have been in one to many one sided relationships as I am generous in nature. I appreciated the reminder in this to continue yo see the signs and put the time more into myself, family or those who truly deserve my generosity of my time.

  • Jay Colby

    You made a very good point in this post. One sided relationship often happen especially when there is a lack of communication in the relationship.

  • Carissa

    Great Post and ohhh so true for any relationship! I feel this often with friends, and I usually take a step back. If it continues then I will probably let the friendship go.

  • Dominique

    Damn. I am bookmarking your blog. This was a great read. So many relationships are one-sided and that can be so hurtful. For example, I’m always the one to reach out to my sisters. For once, I’d love a little reciprocity.

  • Mimi Green

    This was me at 22. I started dating him at 16, and married at 18. By 22 I was no longer willing to do It anymore.

  • Kiwi

    We women are going to start having to put our foot down and be a little bit more selfish. I know we are natural nurturers but we cannot be in these one sided relationships it will be depleting.

  • Kayvona

    I have been in one sided relationships and they really are the worst! Thank the lord I gained the courage to leave because it just isn’t worth all the stress!

  • Camesha | Mama Motivator

    You said it all and then some. I’ve definitely had to walk away from some friends because I felt I was the only one invested. On the flip side, I’ve had to look at what I’m giving to each friendship as well.

  • Stacie

    My my, how I know this all too well. Maya said it best, when they show you who they are believe them and don’t waste your time.

  • Tiffany H.

    This is so true, there are selfish people who only think about themselves. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a drastic situation to happen that you recognize its one-sided relationship. There’s a quote that says believe people when they show you who they are.

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