Letting Go Of The One You Love
As women, and as people in general, I believe it’s safe to say we all know when a relationship has come to an end. And, although we know the relationship is over, whether it’s because there’s distance, behaviors have changed, or the spark is no longer burning bright, letting go and moving on is hard. There are people who, without a doubt, can move on and not think twice about it, but for those of us who find ourselves holding on, still hoping, still wishing, still comfortable, it’s difficult.
The comfort zone is a deadly place to be because it stifles us. Not just in intimate relationships, but also in friendships and business relationships. How often do we find ourselves staying at a job we don’t enjoy because we’re comfortable? The direct deposit hits every two weeks like clockwork, we’re stable, we have no worries. The thought of leaving that security, no matter how dreadful it may be, scares us so much so that we stay and continue to be miserable simply because we’re comfortable and it’s safe. As with jobs, we do the same with relationships. No one wants to start over and get to know someone new when we’ve invested so much time and energy into the relationship, especially in this dating pool. We don’t want to risk the same things happening in the next relationship. We don’t want to fail at love again. We don’t believe there’s anything better than what we currently have, even when that isn’t all that great…if we’re being honest. But, all those things keep us from experiencing new love, new happiness, and new opportunities.
I cannot and will not say that I’ve mastered the art of letting go because I have not. It is something I still struggle with, but it’s something I continually work on. Whether it’s business, friends, or intimate relationships, once their time is up, it’s up. If I’ve learned nothing else on this journey to self-discovery, it’s that every person who ends up in our lives is not there by chance. Nothing is by chance. Every morsel of reality you see is directly related to the thoughts and beliefs you hold about yourself and other things. The people in your life were invited by your thoughts. They are meant to be there, and if we’re honest with ourselves, really honest with ourselves, we’ll see they are a direct reflection of us.
In truth, every person we’ve ever been intermingled with have been mirrors of ourselves meant to heal what is bruised within us. However, most of us are so busy playing the blame game we miss the chance to see ourselves in someone else. Thus, missing the opportunity to heal those hurts we’ve otherwise suppressed. It is easy to blame someone for hurting us, abandoning us, betraying us, etc., but the moment you realize there are no victims—you are not a victim—you begin the healing process.
Nothing happens to us, everything happens for us. That failed relationship was meant to help you heal and grow. That heartbreak was supposed to help you improve and grow. The abandonment was intended to help you heal and grow. The problem is, we are too busy pointing the finger to recognize the opportunities.
Learning that has been so important to me as an individual and it has helped me work through things I would have never been willing to admit to myself. You must be honest with yourself. You must take responsibility for the people you invite into your life. And, you have to heal your thoughts and beliefs so, in turn, you heal your pattern of broken relationships.
As hard as letting go may be, it becomes easier when you look at it from a point of gratitude. Before you side-eye me, hear me out. It may hurt, it may feel like it will never get better, you may even feel unworthy of love after so many failed attempts, but you’re wrong, my dear. Every person who left you, hurt you, abused you, or misused you left you a valuable lesson and an opportunity to heal and grow. It never feels like it when your heart is broken and you’re an hour deep into the ugly cry, but trust me, if you’re open to accepting the opportunity, it gets better—you get better.
So, to those who I have allowed into my life and into my heart who have shown me myself, I thank you. Your participation in my journey to healing and growth is not unnoticed, but this is goodbye.
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