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xocrystalnicole / Love Lessons  / Letting Go Of The One You Love

Letting Go Of The One You Love

As women, and as people in general, I believe it’s safe to say we all know when a relationship has come to an end. And, although we know the relationship is over, whether it’s because there’s distance, behaviors have changed, or the spark is no longer burning bright, letting go and moving on is hard. There are people who, without a doubt, can move on and not think twice about it, but for those of us who find ourselves holding on, still hoping, still wishing, still comfortable, it’s difficult.

The comfort zone is a deadly place to be because it stifles us. Not just in intimate relationships, but also in friendships and business relationships. How often do we find ourselves staying at a job we don’t enjoy because we’re comfortable? The direct deposit hits every two weeks like clockwork, we’re stable, we have no worries. The thought of leaving that security, no matter how dreadful it may be, scares us so much so that we stay and continue to be miserable simply because we’re comfortable and it’s safe. As with jobs, we do the same with relationships. No one wants to start over and get to know someone new when we’ve invested so much time and energy into the relationship, especially in this dating pool. We don’t want to risk the same things happening in the next relationship. We don’t want to fail at love again. We don’t believe there’s anything better than what we currently have, even when that isn’t all that great…if we’re being honest. But, all those things keep us from experiencing new love, new happiness, and new opportunities.

I cannot and will not say that I’ve mastered the art of letting go because I have not. It is something I still struggle with, but it’s something I continually work on. Whether it’s business, friends, or intimate relationships, once their time is up, it’s up. If I’ve learned nothing else on this journey to self-discovery, it’s that every person who ends up in our lives is not there by chance. Nothing is by chance. Every morsel of reality you see is directly related to the thoughts and beliefs you hold about yourself and other things. The people in your life were invited by your thoughts. They are meant to be there, and if we’re honest with ourselves, really honest with ourselves, we’ll see they are a direct reflection of us.

In truth, every person we’ve ever been intermingled with have been mirrors of ourselves meant to heal what is bruised within us. However, most of us are so busy playing the blame game we miss the chance to see ourselves in someone else. Thus, missing the opportunity to heal those hurts we’ve otherwise suppressed. It is easy to blame someone for hurting us, abandoning us, betraying us, etc., but the moment you realize there are no victims—you are not a victim—you begin the healing process.

Nothing happens to us, everything happens for us. That failed relationship was meant to help you heal and grow. That heartbreak was supposed to help you improve and grow. The abandonment was intended to help you heal and grow. The problem is, we are too busy pointing the finger to recognize the opportunities.

Learning that has been so important to me as an individual and it has helped me work through things I would have never been willing to admit to myself. You must be honest with yourself. You must take responsibility for the people you invite into your life. And, you have to heal your thoughts and beliefs so, in turn, you heal your pattern of broken relationships.

As hard as letting go may be, it becomes easier when you look at it from a point of gratitude. Before you side-eye me, hear me out. It may hurt, it may feel like it will never get better, you may even feel unworthy of love after so many failed attempts, but you’re wrong, my dear. Every person who left you, hurt you, abused you, or misused you left you a valuable lesson and an opportunity to heal and grow. It never feels like it when your heart is broken and you’re an hour deep into the ugly cry, but trust me, if you’re open to accepting the opportunity, it gets better—you get better.

So, to those who I have allowed into my life and into my heart who have shown me myself, I thank you. Your participation in my journey to healing and growth is not unnoticed, but this is goodbye.

If healing is what you desire and you’re willing to do the work, this guide is for you. Download your free copy!

Comments

  • Kat

    💛 I truly believe every person, and thing brought into our lives are for a specific reason. Once that time has pass, if they’re still in your circle they are meant to be. If you’re at the same job, positive reasons why should move you to a different frame of mind.

  • Tisha

    This was beautifully written with so many important points! I agree that it’s important to look for the good in people, and even some cases look for ourselves in them, but most importantly it’s important to know when to let go and this is all linked to knowing who you are and what you deserve. Great post!

  • Ngumabi

    Yes to this post!
    This post is so true
    No matter what happens to us good or bad, it contributed to make us the better and strong people we are today.
    Thanks for going deep on this

  • Chelsea

    Thank you for your transparency. I’m happy to hear that you are on the path to healing. Some of the sweetest people I know have been through so much. These experiences truly help us learn and grow.

  • Arnitris Strong

    This! All of this. Every person in our lives was invited. Thank you for sharing and also for being brave enough to give yourself permission to only allow those in your space who are there for your greatest good. Very beautifully written.

  • Carissa

    Great Read! And very true! You can tell when something has come to an end, because when it is no longer meant to be in your life its hard to keep it around. Relationships take work, all relationships…but when you have to constantly fight for it (not just a rough patch), it’s probably no longer meant to be! This is how I look at them.

  • Eva

    So true! I have learned that I can let go of parts of the relationship too. It isn’t that I’ve stopped caring, but I invest a little less in certain parts of the relationship which frees me up to invest in other, more fulfilling relationships. Very well written!

  • Kasi

    Such a beautifully written post! I’ve found that sometimes to let go and get over someone, you have to completely say goodbye and not keep in touch.

  • Kita

    I believe in chapters in life. Some chapters continue to the next. Others end and are meant to stay exactly where they are.

  • Natasha

    Ah, the knowledge of knowing when a season is over. Doesn’t mean that you won’t miss the season, it’s just time to start a new one.

  • Ol

    It’s true that every experience leaves its mark on your life, and there are lessons to be learned from just about anything. Although I can’t say that such thimgs are “meant to be”. Time and unforeseen occurrences, as the Bible calls it, happens to all. Yet becoming a better person after any encounter -good or bad – takes conscientious effort.

  • Kiwi

    What a good timely post. I am not going to lie my last ex I still linger in my head that maybe, possiblity we can get back together. But the truth is I need to let that thought go, nothing has changed and there is definitely no sign of real progessions so I am learning the art of letting go.

  • Tiffany Haywood

    Such a truth filled and insightful post. Letting go is something we are at times fearful of but for many of those time it is the best option for moving forward.

  • Tione

    Letting go can be hard and it can also be easy. You just have to put yourself first.

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