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xocrystalnicole / Love Lessons  / This Is What Letting Go Of Your Ex Feels Like

This Is What Letting Go Of Your Ex Feels Like

Sometimes things come up so we can purge and release them, and other times, things come up just to show us how far we’ve come and how much we’ve progressed. It’s nearly a rite of passage to get to the point of no longer feeling the pain and hurt associated with a former relationship, whatever kind of relationship it was. The last test before you’re awarded the certificate of completion for all your hard work. And man was it difficult. Trying. Heartbreaking. Torturous. Nearly impossible.

You’ve come so far, yet when you hear their name, come across one of those dreaded Facebook memories (who really needs those?), or they manage to find a way to get through one of the channels you’ve blocked them on, your heart stops for a second, you lose your appetite, and it’s almost as if you’re back at square one.

Almost, that is.

What really happens is we’ve begun to associate this person, this situation, this experience with hurt and pain, so every time something comes up to remind you of them, here goes that pain rearing its ugly head again. But the truth is, it isn’t there—it’s all in your mind.

It’s almost like you brace yourself for the pain, for the danger, before a threat can even present itself. Much like when a driver extends a hand to prevent the passenger from hitting the dashboard when they have to slam on brakes, you react before there’s anything to react to. Once you’ve released the breath you didn’t know you were holding, take a look around, and relax, you realize there was nothing to fear, nothing to brace for—nothing to feel.

Your mind will tell your heart that it’s still broken, that you’re still in agony over what once was, but reality steps in and says, “No more. You’ve healed from that, you’ve grown, it’s over now.”


That exhale is refreshing, revitalizing, and now Waiting to Exhale makes sense on a whole new level.

It’s everything you’ve been needing and everything you didn’t know you were missing…all at the same time.

Our minds are so powerful, far beyond what we can comprehend, and the brilliant thing about that is that just like any other muscle, we can train it to get the results we want. When anxiety kicks in and it feels like the air you’re searching for is nowhere to be found, remember you’ve passed that level, you’ve graduated, and you’ve been rewarded for doing so.

Take a deep breath. Release. And be thankful that you’ve finally moved on.


  • Bridgid | @HeyBougieMama

    Yes Yes Yes. I remember feeling a pit in the bottom of my stomach when I would see photos of my ex after we broke up. It wasn’t because I missed him, or still had feelings, it was more of being reminded of the pain and ugly emotions associated with him. SO glad for the moment that I completely let go and didn’t let him have a hold on my emotions anymore.

  • Leslie

    Great post! Here’s to moving on, moving forward.

  • Vanessa Morgan

    Great message as always.

  • Kristin Kimble

    Girl!!! That exhale moment is everything! I remember many times having to work through my healing, but when that healing comes, such a freeing moment!!!!

  • Kim

    Not to say I don’t get it, but I must admit that I haven’t had that bad of a break up where certain things would trigger me as a result of either seeing an ex or something that would remind me of them.

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