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xocrystalnicole / Love Lessons  / The One Who Got Away: The Aftermath

The One Who Got Away: The Aftermath

Now that the dust has settled and realization kicks in, you realize that you lost a great thing, a gem, and, in some cases, there’s no getting that back.


What do you do next?


You check yourself. Go deep, below the surface. Be honest and vulnerable with yourself and admit where you went wrong. Not where the other person went wrong, but you. Then, do better. Do better with yourself, do better in your platonic relationships, and do better in your next relationship.


The past has come and gone, and there’s nothing you can do to change what has already happened. Focus on what you can do in the present moments to not make the same mistakes. Focus on the things that will allow you to become a better person and a better partner.


What you don’t want to do is miss out on another blessing by repeating the same things you did before. Learn from your mistakes and even those things that were intentional.


What happens when we continue to avoid healing our wounds is we continue to repeat the same cycle with new people until we get it. Until we decide that enough is enough and we need something different. The up and down, back and forth, let downs and disappointments become all too much to bear, and there’s no choice but to seek help.


You are your help. Healing begins with you. Change begins with you. It’s not going to come from another person or another relationship.


The issue is, there are too many incomplete people trying to find wholeness in another person. That’s not how this works. Until you’ve done the internal work, navigated through those dark and murky waters in your life, and healed them, you’ll never find what you keep looking for outside of yourself.


Healing something and getting over something are not one in the same; however, many people tend to think so. To heal something is to dig up the root and remove it entirely so that it does not bloom again during another season in your life. Getting over something is brushing it under the rugโ€”pushing it to the recesses of your mind, never to be thought about again. Just because you choose not to acknowledge the dirt doesn’t mean it isn’t there. You can hide from other people, but you can’t hide from yourself. And, until you face yourself, face those dirty rugs and filled-to-capacity internal closets, the dirt will continue to build until it has no choice but to seep out.


Healing begins as soon as you admit there’s something that needs healing. It all depends on you. Your life, your happiness, your healing is your responsibility. Don’t place that burden on anyone else.


  • Tanya Barnett

    Self work is hard and time consuming but it does lead to healing and wholeness. We need more people to do this.

  • Ola

    Change definitely begins with the individual. Sometimes what starts that change is listening to reliable sources of advice that have always been there, but for whatever reason, were ignored. Successful couples, positive role model family members and the Bible are some of those sources.

  • Leslie

    Such a powerful message. Once a person gets that lesson that healing starts from within, the true work can begin!

  • Jay Colby

    Doing self-work is key to growing and evolving as a person. Learning this lessons can add a lot of value in our lives.

  • Kita

    I did a lot of self love and self healing after my husband passed away. I needed to do the work and now I can say I am the happiest I’ve ever been in life despite my loss.

  • Sanaa Brooks

    This! All of it! I read a few pages of my textbook a few months ago and it was like a message from the universe or something because I NEEDED to hear it. After reading it I checked myself and changed my behavior. Granted he has disappointed me a lot and he’s done some shit too, but it made me realize that the way I was responding to it made things worse. We haven’t had an argument since! Lol It really does work when you realize what you’re doing wrong and change it.

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