5 Tips For Dating A Woman Who Has Been Hurt
It is rare that you’ll find a woman who has not been hurt, disappointed, or heartbroken. And, dating a woman who has been hurt requires you to handle her with care.
- Be patient
Patience is key when it comes to dealing with a woman who has been hurt. She’s cautious, and even a bit wary of dating someone new. She’s been hurt before, and her guard is up, so knocking down those walls she has built around her heart will take time.
Don’t rush her. Don’t push her. Allow her to move at a pace that is comfortable for her. Pushing a woman who has been hurt will only cause her to shut down and undo all the progress you’ve already made.
She won’t always show you she’s into you. She won’t always be open about her feelings. She may even pull away from you when she begins to feel something—anything—for you because she’s afraid. Afraid of being hurt again. Afraid of being vulnerable with someone new. Afraid of getting the same results she’s gotten in the past.
It’s not your fault, and it’s not up to you to fix her, but, if you’re trying to build with her, be there, and be patient.
- Be understanding
A woman who has been hurt needs your understanding. She needs you to understand that she’s absolutely terrified of being hurt again. She needs you to understand that it’s not that you’ve done anything wrong, but the things she’s gone through make her second guess herself, and others. She needs you to understand that she’s not intentionally trying to push you away—she may really, really want you around—but she’s operating in fear, and until she can heal herself, it’s going to be difficult.
There will come a point when she feels comfortable enough to share with you what she’s been through. She will be vulnerable with you, something that is extremely hard for her to do. When she does, listen to her. Really listen to her. Sharing moments of her life with you is her way of saying she trusts you enough to share the root of her pain.
- Be honest, always
This should go without saying, but for someone who has been hurt, chances are part of their pain came from being lied to.
Don’t lie to her.
Even if you think she can’t handle the truth, tell her anyway. Even if you don’t think it’s a big deal, it will be to her.
If she’s ever going to let her guard down, she has to be able to trust you, but no one can trust someone who lies to them. Keep the lines of communication open and clear. Operate in honesty and she’ll respect you, and eventually trust you.
Note: Withholding information is the same as lying in her eyes, so tell her everything.
- Be willing to communicate, and over communicate
Communication is the foundation of any relationship, especially in these situations. After being hurt, regardless of what caused the hurt, women take a blow to their confidence. Someone who was once confident will battle insecurities. They may believe they aren’t enough, they’re damaged, or that you’ll end up doing what everyone else has done, and they need your reassurance.
Be willing to share how you feel, often. Tell her what she means to you. Tell her she’s good enough, and really mean it. Uplift and affirm her. Highlight the qualities you admire about her. She needs to hear it, and it is greatly appreciated.
A woman who has been hurt needs constant reassurance. She needs to know you’re all in and she has nothing to worry about.
A woman who has been hurt may ask you the same questions repeatedly. She’ll look at you and wonder why you’ve chosen her. She’ll want to know if what you feel is genuine, or if it’s just a façade. She’ll question everything, and she’ll want to hear the answers from you. Give her that. But, again, do not lie to her.
- Be ready
Most importantly, be ready. After a heartbreak, the last thing a woman wants to do is set herself up for the same outcome.
If you know you aren’t ready to commit, leave her alone. If you have no intention of caring for her heart, being mindful of her feelings, and being there for the long haul, do not waste her time. Don’t interrupt her life if you’re not ready to be there, be present, and choose her every single day.
This is not to say that dealing with a woman who has been hurt is always complicated because it’s not, but it requires a different level of effort and care, and you must understand that. Her apprehension is not because of you—it is not your fault—but in order to get her, build with her, and love her, you must take all of her, not just the pretty parts.
The moment you choose to pursue a woman who has been hurt, knowing she’s been hurt and she’s guarded, you accept the terms and conditions that come with that kind of relationship. So when things are rough, when you’re contemplating whether pursuing her was the right thing to do, remember why you chose her in the first place, and choose her again.